Breaking pieces of my soul

Looking into her eyes is like staring down a black tunnel.

So cold.

So strange.

So dark.

How can this human being be my mother?

How is it possible that she brought me into this world only to abandon me

for

reasons

I will never

know,

understand

Or

ever get over.

Staring at her is sickening.

I want to cry.

I want to puke.

I want to take her, throw her down, stomp on her and then

just then

see how she feels.

Because that has been my life since day 1 of her sickness

Living like this

Living like this with her toxicness is killing me

Piece by piece

I am slowly breaking

until

there will be

nothing

left

of

my

happy

loving

soul.

2 thoughts on “Breaking pieces of my soul

  1. Nikki, I don’t know for sure what to say for I have never been in your shoes but my heart goes out to you and to let you know I am here for you anytime, anywhere. Just center on you husband and kids and maybe talking to a professional would help you. Have you ever thought of moving to a different town so you don’t have to see her. She is not worth your pain but I will keep her and of course you in my prayers. Love you much, Aunt Sharon

    1. Thanks auntie Sharon! I love you too. I am over her, or at least I think I am. We plan on moving in a year and a half. I shouldnt have to deal with this although having an alcoholic parent is a never ending deal. Joe is my awesome support system and my professional. 🙂

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