Just go for it
I am going for it. I am applying for a Family Nurse Practitioner Program. When I finished nursing school in December of 2018 I was convinced that I needed that I needed to have an actual real nursing job before I applied to a Nurse Practitioner program. It has always been a dream of mine to be a Emergency Medicine Nurse Practitioner and return back to the YK Delta and work in the sub-regional clinics to provide care to the Yup’ik communities. Growing up in chaos has always had me preparing and overly preparing for the next step. It doesnt matter if I am driving, preparing for a test, anything I am always going over in my head what road I will take, when I will turn left, what lane I will be driving in, and when I will turn my blinker on. I have always prepared myself for my next move no matter what. When I would have surprises occur in my life I would panic and freak out. My body would go into a fight or flight reaction and I would always fight because that is what my body was used to. When a crazy event would happen in my life growing up I would always fight and as an adult that would be my first reaction. So applying to FNP school after completing my BSN was not in my head.
I always felt that I needed to have actual “real nursing” experience. And what I mean by nursing experience is inserting IV’s, foley catheters, assisting in codes, and all that hands on experience that I do not get on a day to day basis as a school nurse. After completing my BSN I thought that I wasnt smart enough. I didnt have the experience because I was only a school nurse and I felt that I needed that hands on before applying. However, as a school nurse I am getting that nursing experience just in a different way. I was not confident in my skills as nurse and I always felt that I needed “real” experience. I now realize that I am good enough. I have the experience. I can do it. And I will do it. I do not need to have worked on a Med-Surg Unit to apply to FNP. I do not need to have that hands on experience before applying because I will learn it while in school and through my clinicals. And I do have the experience I just dont have it as a nurse.
My love for the Emergency Room started in February in 2008 when I was hired on as an Emergency Room Technician. I loved it. I loved every aspect of the ER and I felt so comfortable. And that comfort was because of my childhood and growing up in chaos I craved chaotic environments. I strived in that environment and it felt like home. And in that time working in the ER I was accepted into nursing school the first time. But that first round of nursing school did not work in my favor. I was young, arrogant, and felt I knew better than the instructor and I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Thankfully, I was failed out of the program due to personality conflicts between myself and the instructor after the first semester. Looking back I was creating chaos for myself and instead of keeping my mouth shut I chose to argue back. It was a hard lesson for me to swallow but I am thankful that it happened. I have learned from it and I can say that I am thankful for that experience. I worked in the ER for almost 3 1/2 years and had plenty of hand on experience with assisting the nurses and providers. But because I wasnt a nurse during that time I always felt that experience wasn’t “good enough.” I know now that it is good enough. And I am good enough. I am confident in my skills, and I know that along the way I will learn those skills I need in school, clinicals and on the job.
I felt a strong urge and incline to share my thoughts because if you are wanting to do something in your life and you are afraid to do it, DO IT!
Have the confidence in yourself to know that you can do it. Take the leap. Make that call. Apply for that program, job whatever it is. You are good enough. I am taking my own advice and taking that leap. Its scary. Really scary but I am comfortable and feeling confident in myself.
I have all the support in the world and I am so thankful for that. My husband has been my rock through everything. He was by my side when I was failed out of the nursing program the first time. He has watched me change jobs because I was never happy. He has always had my back and has been supportive no matter what. I am so thankful to have my best friend by my side pushing me to follow my dreams. Thanks boo.
I am excited and scared for this next chapter.
But I am ready. And I am confident in myself and I believe in myself. And I can do it!
Sew Yup’ik YouTube Channel
I have created a Sew Yup’ik YouTube Channel and I would love for you to head over and tell me what you think.
What types of tutorials would you like to see?
Would you be interested in a live class with me for a donation?
I am open to any and every suggestion! I love to share and teach and I am hoping to create more tutorials around salve making with traditional plants, making moose jerky, salmon processing, akutaq making and sew much more!
Quyana Chuck Norris!
Here is my youtube link to my channel!
Ways to support a small business
There are many ways you can support a small business without actually buying anything. Here are some of the ways you can support a small business that are free.
Share a Post
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Tag a friend
Give a shout out
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Engage with their posts
As a small business owner I do not have any employees but myself. Sometimes my almost 4 year old daughter Syd loves to help me, and my 3 month old often sleeps on the job. So any like, share, post or anything helps me and it is much appreciated.
Mama’s Positive Affirmations
Mama’s Positive Affirmations
Mama’s Positive Affirmations
You are a good mom. I am a good mom.
You are not a bad mom. I am not a bad mom.
You are not your thoughts. I am not my thoughts.
You are safe. I am safe.
You are not alone. I am not alone.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You are not in charge of anyone’s happiness but your own.
You don’t owe anyone anything that includes space.
You are amazing. I am amazing.
You are okay. I am okay.
You are exactly where you need to be at this very moment.
You do not have to enjoy every moment. It’s okay to not like this moment.
You can do this. I can do this.
You are strong. I am strong.
You are loved. I am loved.
Step outside and take three deep breaths. Breathe in love. Breathe out the anger.
I am grateful for my health.
You are a survivor. You are giving your children the best possible life.
You are alive. I am alive.
I am here. I am ready. I am prepared to ride out this wild storm. I am strong. I can do this.
Here are my positive affirmations to help me in my postpartum depression bouts. When I am suffering I will turn to these to help me through those deep, dark moments. The one that I will repeat to myself over and over again is:
You are not your thoughts.
I am not my thoughts.
My thoughts can be so scary at times but I know that those moments will pass. I know that there are times when I am overly exhausted and I need to remind myself that I am okay. My goal is to post my affirmations on post its around my house. I will repeat them every morning when I wake. I am a good mom. I am safe. I am not alone.
Postpartum depression and postpartum rage can be so scary. I know that I am not the only suffering and I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Navigating through those emotions can be so difficult when I am trying to heal my childhood trauma wounds. Becoming a parent opens up wounds that I must have hid deep, deep down in my heart. But I am trying every day and that is the important part. I am doing the work. I am showing up and learning. It’s hard. And somedays are harder than others and I avoid going down that road because its hurts my core. I know that I have to go down to that dead end so that I can heal and move forward.
My self-healing journey has been a long, long road but I am so thankful where I am today. And I am excited where I am going to be 1, 5, 10 years down the road. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to enjoy my life to the fullest. My children deserve a happy, healthy mama. My husband deserves a healthy wife and partner but mostly friend.
Find your people. Find what works for you. Keep going. Don’t ever give up. Know that you are not alone. Reach out to me if you have no one and I can be your person. Motherhood is hard. Self-healing from childhood trauma is hard. And navigating those headwaters can be scary but know that you are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are safe.
You are loved.
You will be okay.
It was hard.
It was hard to see her like that.
It has been a long time since I saw her and seeing her brought back a flood of awful memories and tears.
Tears rolled down my cheeks
I was angry.
I thought I was okay. I thought I was moving forward.
but seeing her again like that
brought me back to when I was an angry, angry teenager and I wanted to bury myself
into my obnoxiously loud music, scream into my pillow and escape. But escape where?
No matter where I go she’s there. she’s always there.
I feel like I will never be able to move on with my life until I completely cut her off.
Why do I have to feel like the bad guy?
All I am doing is trying to take care of myself. Better myself. Heal myself.
But I feel like the bad guy.
What is so wrong about trying to be healthy? Happy?
All my life she has tore me down. Called me the most horrific names and I am talking
horrific. Adults should never say those words, especially to their children. I don’t care
how intoxicated a person is they should never, ever call their children the names that my
mother has called me for almost my entire childhood, and adult life.
But it will always be hard to see her like that.
No matter the day.
I wrote the blog post above almost 3 years ago and couldn’t finish it. Thats how hard it was to see her that way. But thankfully I am in a much better place that I was then and have been able to move forward. For a long time I was stuck in the same place and I couldn’t seem to get past it. But I made it and everyday I work on getting better and better so that I can give my daughter and children the best possible life they deserve.
Modern Qaspeq Tutorial
I finally created a modern qaspeq tutorial. I did my best with what I had. My sewing room might have been too sunny and I could have prepped better for the tutorial but I had the time and wanted to create a video to share with you.
I am the worst with technology and it took me two days to figure out how to work iMovie and paste clips together but I finally got it.
When I make modern qaspeqs I typically use:
2 yards 100% cotton fabric
1 yard of knit rayon spandex
The knit that I like to use is from Joann’s is a 4 way stretch and I will include the link:
As well as a shop called Made of Love I will include the link for the rayon/spandex knit that I like to purchase:
1 package of extra wide double fold bias
& 1 package of ric rac, piping, or single fold bias for the trimming
Like I said this video might not as easy to follow if you have not taken my class before but if you have any questions or are stumped with what to do you can always email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or send me a message on Facebook.
Good luck and if you are able to whip out a modern qaspeq with the help of these instructions please post a photo on my Sew Yup’ik Facebook page or tag me on your instgram post @sewyupik
Quyana chuck norris (cakneq)!
Make up Bag Tutorial
For awhile I have had my previous students tell me to make a tutorial for the make up bag that I teach in class and I finally got around to it 🙂 So here it is. And dont be afraid to sew with a zipper they are not as scary as they look.
Gather your supplies. You will need:
-Fabric of your choice for the outside
-Fabric for the liner
-16″ zipper (I prefer to use longer zippers because it is easier to work with)
-Pellon Fusible Fleece 987F
And then of course sewing machine, iron, scissors, and sewing pins.
Cut the fabric to the bag size of your choice. For this bag the finished product is 10 1/2″ wide by 9 1/2″ height. There are bag patterns all out there on the interweb that you could find a pattern if you are not sure about making your own.
– Cut the outside fabric (llama fabric) to 11 1/4″ width by 10″ height
– Cut the liner fabric just a tad bit bigger 11 1/2″ width by 10 1/2″ height
And heres why I cut my liner bigger. I dont like pinning so I make my liner just a little bit bigger because I dont have to pin while I am assembling it together. But, for this tutorial I will use pins to show you.
-Cut your pellon fusible fleece to the outside fabric dimensions
-Iron the fusible fleece to the outside fabric. Make sure that you iron the fabric to the textured part of the fleece. If you buy it from the Joann’s it will also have directions with it.
-After you ironed the fusible to the outside fabric you will sew the zipper on the outside fabric like the picture below.
-As you can see I dont use a zipper foot. If you want you can use it, it is up to you. I will sew a straight line between the zipper and the edge. I dont have an exact measure but I just tell my students sew right in the middle.
-Sew your liner to the outside fabric (make sure right sides are facing each other). And sew down that same line just like the pictures below.
-Now you flip the fabric and then top stitch and make sure that you are sewing over the outside fabric and liner like the pictures below.
-You will now sew the other outside fabric piece to the zipper. Make sure that right sides (of the outside fabric) are facing together when you sew the zipper on like the pictures below.
And as I am writing this my panik (daughter) just peed on the floor. I am trying to potty train so I have been putting her in underwear and she has not caught onto it. Shes 22 months old and I guess still not ready to potty train anyways where was I.
-After you sew the zipper the other outside fabric you will now sew your liner down that same line just like we did in step three. Make sure that right sides are facing each other just like below and then sew down that same line.
-You will now flip your fabric out and top stitch just like the pictures below.
-You will now sew it all together right sides facing each other leaving an opening at the bottom of your liner so that you can turn your bag inside out. Make sure you leave an opening so that you can turn it right side out. Also make sure that your zipper is on the inside of your bag when you sew it shut. If your sewing machine has a difficult time sewing over the zipper you can always hand crank your machine over the zipper. If you wanted to add a handle you can add one on either side and make sure that is on the inside of your bag. See pictures below.
As you can see I used pins to show you where you can pin if you want to. I generally just sew all the way around without pins. I put pins at the bottom of the liner so show you where to leave the opening. And like I said just make sure that your zipper is on the inside of your bag before you sew it all the way around. I usually leave mine in the middle of the bag because if you leave it to close to the edges it can make turning the bag inside out just a tad bit difficult.
-Sew all around make sure you dont sew over the pins. I sew over them only cause I like to live on the edge, jk I have glasses and if one of the pins shattered I have eye shields just in case. I use the edge of the sewing foot as my guide when sewing around. I start sewing on my liner fabric on one side of the pins and sew all around. Dont cut your zipper ends yet until you sew all around.
-Trim your zipper ends. Trim the excess fabric from your liner fabric. And then cut the four corners so that when you turn your bag right side out they will be nice and neat. See pictures below.
-Turn your bag right side out. Poke the corners out I use my finger but you can use a chopstick or pen. And now you will sew the opening shut, I use my sewing machine but you can hand stitch if you prefer.
-Admire your work and reward yourself with a cup of really good kuuviaq (coffee).
And yes this bag is looking for a new home if you are interested send me a message email@example.com to claim it!
If you make this bag and have issues or the instructions arent clear enough or too much information send me a message or comment below! I try to make it as easy as simple as possible without the fancy sewing lingo. Or if you want a tutorial for something else let me know and I can see what I can do!
Good luck and tag me in your finished product Sew Yup’ik on facebook or instagram! I would love to see what you make!
Just for Fun
Fun mommyhood tips just because. My stinker is 8 months and my life has turned upside down for the better. I would not change it for a thing but goodness gracious sometimes I just have to have that third cup of coffee, put Moana first thing in the morning or maybe three times throughout the day just so I can use the bathroom, maybe eat if I remember, or guzzle three water bottles down. Mommyhood is fun but crazy. The last two nights I have lost sleep because of teething and I feel like a crazy person. And in my crazed state I was thinking about all the things I have to do on a day to day basis to survive. These are my tips and I hope you enjoy them!
- Its okay if you have to put on Little Baby Bums on or Moana on in the morning so you can make that cup of coffee, sip it in peace, or use the bathroom alone. I usually try not to put a show on till the afternoon or evening but somedays its the first thing in the morning just so I can make a cup of coffee, and then sip it while its hot. Its okay your not a bad mom if you have to do it.
- Binky or no binky its up to you. Dont listen to people when they tell you that your child shouldnt use a pacifier. You know your child better than anyone else and if your baby likes the binky then let em. Before Syd I said I wouldnt give my baby a binky but then I had her and she likes the binky and it helped her go to sleep. And I had to do what I had to do to survive.
- If you have had puke in your hair for three days just put a headband on it and call it good. No one will notice or smell it unless its the sour kind of puke.
- If you can only shower once a week just change your underwear if you remember.
- Dirty clothes. Put them right in the washer if you have one. And if you start the washer try and remember to change them to the dryer so you dont have to re-wash them.
- Co-sleep. Crib. Do whatever works for you. Since day one my stinker has been in bed with me. I had to do what I had to do to survive and she was feeding every 2 hours and if she was in a crib I would not have been able to function in the morning. And now that shes teething shes feeding all through the night. IF you do co-sleep dont forget to cut their nails. Its the worst when they’re sleeping next to you and then they scratch you with their long toenails or long fingernails haha!
- Some days you will feel soo flipping crazy its not even funny. You will have crazy thoughts. And just feel horrible. Get outside. DO something to get you out of that funk because if not you will go down that rabbit hole of misery.
- When you’re so sleep deprived and your baby is crying all night you might get upset with her. Just remember its not their fault. Try and take a deep breathe. Its easier said then done but just know that you’re not alone. Many mothers have had those same exact thoughts and feelings. It makes me feel better knowing that there are other mothers out there who have felt this same exact way.
- Drink water. And lots of it. Especially if your breastfeeding. I got a super duper extra large water bottle so I could remember to drink water. Some days I remember and other days I have a pounding headache because I havent drank any.
- Get an instant pot because it will save your life. Almost all of my meals have been cooked in the instant pot and it has saved my grumbling belly. And make enough for leftovers. Or have really awesome friends who will make you meals and deliver them to you. Last semester I lost weight because I wasnt eating. I had homework. I was stressed. Was taking care of Syd by myself. And when I had free time I would sew because it saved me from going crazy.
- Have a Jenine. She saves me somedays well most days from going crazy. My husband works away from home and every 2 weeks its just me and baby. Jenine is always there when I need to talk to a real person. I can text her whenever and I dont have to bother my husband at work. Have a Jenine because it be can really helpful.
- Try and get out of the house once a day even if its just a short 5 minute walk. It’s helpful. Trust me.
- Dont buy them a ton of toys. All they want to play with is empty water bottles, the outlets, empty paper towel rolls, and cardboard boxes.
- If your stinker is teething try everything. If it doesnt work try it one more time. If it still doesnt work then you got lucky and have one tough cookie. Lets hope that you are tougher than your stinker and remind yourself that it is only temporary and you can do it. With Syd I have tried an amber necklace, frozen wash cloths, pressing on her gums, numerous teething toys, lavender oil, clove oil, oragel, toughing it out, and frozen moose jerky which worked for a time until she got sick of it haha. And tylenol worked but I didnt want to give it to her all the time because I felt like I was over-drugging her with it.
- My baby girl is one of the toughest sleep fighters I have ever met. I dont know how I got so lucky but instead of getting upset I just take it one nap at a time. Some nights she gets to sleep at a reasonable hour some nights shes up till 11. We are trying to follow a nightly routine but some days I am so exhausted and can barely take care of myself we skip it.
- Sleep regressions are real. I dont know when or why they happen but they suck. Syd use to sleep awesome through the night and then hit one of those damn sleep regressions and she has been stuck in it ever since. And again I just remind myself that this sleep deprivation is only temporary.
- Just go with the sleep regressions. Its too tough to fight them and try and get them on a schedule. Trust me.
- Get used to using the bathroom with your stinker ALLLLL the time unless they’re sleeping. Bring toes to the bathroom so they’re not pulling at your pants or sweats. And if your stinker is mobile you might want to get those handy dandy cupboard locks because they are going to pulling at them the whole time haha.
- When people tell me I have a cute little boy I just agree. I dont correct them and tell them that she is a girl even if she is wearing a camo fleece suit and a pink hat. Its not worth it to correct them because usually they apologize and maybe feel bad but its just not worth it.
- Hold them too much because they are only little once. It goes by way too fast. Way too fast. You cant spoil a child with too much love.
- Be patient. Dont forget about your husband, boyfriend, partner. Get a babysitter and take your husband out for pizza and beer. Pamper yourself if you cant do it once a week try once a month.
- And most importantly take care of yourself because if you are starving, thirsty, sleep deprived, and then having to take care of your stinker it is not a fun combination. She can cry just its good for her. As long as she is fed, and has a clean diaper she’s okay.
Its been so fun being Syd’s mom. Some days I feel like a bad mom because I let her watch Moana twice but then I remind myself that I could be doing something worse like getting drunk. I am learning to navigate this mommyhood and it has taught me to be flexible, patient, and super duper extra loving. If you have any fun mommyhood tips I would love to hear what has helped you 🙂
I hope you enjoyed these!
And Syd says Hi! 🙂
And if you are thinking of nursing school do it before you have kids. Because holy cats in the hat it is crazy with a little stinker 🙂 But it is sooo worth it! We start third semester in less then 2 weeks and I know it is going to get unbearably tough but I know I can do it because its only 120 days of madness!